MY life, MY pain.

Hola fellow bloggers!
Como Estas?
I’d like to say that life is a very confusing, very hard thing to endure. I find myself thinking often, “Why am I, of all people, alive?” I often wonder why I am still alive after all of the evil I’ve done to others. After all of the sins I’ve committed, why am I, this Latina, still living on this earth? Then it hit me. The bible says the wages of sin is death, but God doesn’t always punish us by killing us. No, that’s the easy way to punish us. Maybe he wanted to give me a chance. The bible says our God is a FORGIVING God. Maybe he wants me to change, and share my story with others. Lord knows I have been through much. I’d been raped by the time I was four years old, pregnant and had an abortion by the time I was thirteen. I was a little whore (Giving it up WAY too much, to TOO MANY people) by the time I was thirteen. But I changed. Now I’m sixteen and I thank God for bringing me through. I’ve heard so many stories of rape victims who basically gave into that pain and ended up becoming prostitutes or whatever. I’m so glad God watched over me and gave me the strength to get through. As a rape victim, I know how it is to feel like you’re a worthless piece of shit. I know how it is to feel like no man loves you, or that no man will ever like you. I know how it is to blame yourself for all the pain OTHER people have inflicted upon you. I know how all of this feels. Getting up in the morning and wondering why the hell you’re getting up in the first place. These can all make or break a person. So many people let it break them, and I would like to go on record as saying I didn’t. I continued to be strong. For a while there though, I did let the pain and suffering go to my head. I felt like I was useless to this world and I gave up my body to basically anyone who asked. After I got pregnant and had to go through that whole abortion experience, it changed my whole life. I did a 360 degree turn. No longer was I drowning in a pool of pain. “Why is she writing about this?” You might be asking. I am writing about this because like I said, this blog is about ME. This blog is about MY feelings and MY experiences. I’ve hid all these things from the world for too long now, and it’s about time I let it all out. So I leave you with another question: How do YOU, as a person, get through pain and suffering WITHOUT causing pain on other people?