That Nigga Should have POPPED MY CHERRY.. (even though it's gone)

Hmmm, these days, life seems so hard. My schoolwork is good, I don't have any drama, and my relationships with my friends are stronger than ever. I just wish G and I could talk more often. Okay I'm lying, I just wish we could talk. I haven't heard from the boy since Monday the 2nd. I sometimes wonder if all that talking and shit that he was doing that night was real. Then again, maybe the nigga was just trying to make me feel good. He knew, no, he KNOWS that I really wanted someone to love; Someone to love me. He probably just wanted to give that to me for just that one night. I guess I understand his intentions. But if he didn't feel anything from the get-go, he shouldn't have done anything like that with me. Because for some reason ever since that night I spent with him, I can't seem to get him or the memory of how his lips felt out of my mind. I really wish I could because it seems like the more I succumb myself to the memory of him, the more and more it seems to just take over every aspect of my life. I wish I could just forget that he ever existed because life was sooo easy when I really didn't pay attention to G. He was just there last year, and my life wasn't this confusing. I had total control over my feelings and I wasn't this scared to live my life. For the first time in my whole life I'm actually afraid to get out there and live life. I'm afraid to talk to people and make friends with others. Why? because of the fear of getting hurt. You know what I mean? Life was so good, so easy, until I started worrying about boys. That's when it got complicated. I think the main reason was I changed my appearance, my personality, and my attitude so that I could be more appealing to other people. What I didn't expect was the major change it would have on my relations with boys. I didn't expect G and O to be attracted to me. In a way, in their own ways I should say, they both helped me mature into this girl you see today. Especially G. He came at a time when I was trying to determine the difference between a woman and a girl; when the smallest things could make a huge difference in my life. I know people keep hearing me say life goes on, and that's true. It's just that even though life may go on, and it will, I'll still always feel that void in my life. My heart will always yearn for him even though I may not always show it. But then again, I was just reading one of my past entries, and I was just saying how if me and O split, that I 'd just die. Here I am less than 6 months later, and I don't even think about the boy. I can't remember the last time I thought about him besides today. So maybe I will get over him. Maybe by the summertime, maybe even next month, I'll forget about G; He'll just be a thing in the past, long forgotten. The problem is that the thought of forgetting about G scares the shit out of me. For I know that the quicker I forget about him, I already know that he's probably been forgotten about me. And that sucks. It sucks so much. But I just need to find something to do with all this extra time I have on my hands right now. When I'm preoccupied is the only time that I can forget about my problems. Well, I'm sick of writing. G-nite. TTYL..
always...
A confused Mad Latina...
(I'll work up the courage to call G one of these days)...