The Storm Is Over Now...

Hmmm, I'm trying to keep you guys up to date on what's happening in my life. That way I don't have to try to explain everything in a nut shell like how I had to do two months ago. But it's May finally! Close to Summer Break! Good thing or bad thing is the question? I'll be a junior. One more year closer to growing up. I used to be so excited to grow up, but now that the reality is settling in that I'll be going to college possibly, and moving away, far away, from home, I am SCARED. I have never ever moved in my life, I've been to only three schools in my entire life, and I've always had the same group of friends. Yes, I've made new friends, but not many, because I'm kind of mean. I don't know how I'm going to do in college. Why does life have to be so hard sometimes??? I know they say change is good, but change is also hella scary. Well, I'm working on my dance for dance team tryouts. I'm applying for captain this year. Not to be known for being captain, but just because I would like our dance team to amount to more than it was last year. I don't want to hear "Our dance team is weak" when I walk down the halls. Because it hurts because I was on the dance team this year, and unfortunately, we did suck. We sucked hella bad. And to know that it wasn't our fault, but the choreographer and the coach's fault makes it even worse. Because they don't have to walk down the hallways hearing that shit. WE DO. Everyone thinks we made up that dance ourselves, and for us to all be black makes it even worse. Everyone knows that black girls serve it when it comes to hip hop, so why the fuck were we out there doing that shit in the first place??? Anyways, off that subject before I get pissed. These days, It seems like it's even easier to get over G. I've noticed that I don't miss him as much anymore. I even stay away from him on myspace and msn, because I know I need time to heal. He has that way of making you feel special, getting your hopes all up and everything, and then just leaving you to wonder what happened. I think I need to just not talk to him a couple of months so that I can heal myself. I don't want to go back into that hole I was in. Crying all the damn time and shit. I don't like people who cry, so I annoyed myself. But I'm glad that's all over with. Yes, there are days when I'm tempted to talk to him, see how he's doing, but I'm not going to. Yes, I want to keep the fact that we at least have a TALKING relationship, but I'm going to have to wait until I have completely bandaged my wounds he caused. I've got to wait till they create scabs and the scabs fall off by themselves. I guess that was a kind of nasty picture, but what I'm trying to say is that I'm going to have to wait to talk to G until the time comes when I don't even think about him. It has to come to the point where, when I see his picture, I don't smile, and my stomach doesn't do 1million flips. I hope he's not mad at me for this whole silent treatment I've been giving him. It's not that I don't still like him, trust me, I always will (I think), it's just that I've got to learn to love myself before I can EVER love anyone else. I've got to go do dishes, so I'll talk to you later. Until next time.
A confused mad latina...