I would cross the ocean for you (even tho I can't swim)...

Hmm... There is nothing happening this weekend. Nothing important at least. Since G's in town and every one's friends with him, everyone is breaking their necks to hang out with him. I'd be doing the same thing if I only had enough courage to speak to the boy. I know that if we were on speaking terms still, I would be doing something with the boy today. But, I had to stick my foot in my mouth and now I fucked everything up for the both of us. And to know that he has stooped to such a low level of ignorance now is just annoying. This new G that has emerged, the one I saw the other day, is not the G that I knew 2 months ago. He didn't want to hurt me. He didn't want me to feel bad. He didn't want to talk about me behind my back. This new G talks about me, makes me cry, and I'm sure if he had the chance he would beat the shit out of me. That's why I'm scared to talk to G. He's changed so much since he left to Colorado, and I don't think I'll ever be able to know him like I used to be able to know him. I don't think I'll ever be able to connect with him again like we did before. I just don't think there will ever be a me and G ever again. There won't be a friendship, nor a relationship. We just can't connect the way we used to. Because he likes to listen to his friends and let their opinions influence him. I, on the other hand, know that my friends have their faults and their opinions don't matter to me when it comes to G. My friend S was always like, "I can't stand G. He's so annoying." As soon as I told her that G was there that day she was like, "Where is he? Where? I want to talk to him!" Don't get me wrong, I don't mind her talking to him. I don't control her life. But for her to say that she's not two-faced, that was a pretty two-faced thing for her to do. I was going to call G the other day, but I knew the question would come up, "Why didn't you talk to me the other day when I was at your school?" And the only reply that I knew I would have to say because I'm sick of lying is, "I was scared." And I know that's going to turn into some other conversation, and I will end up being referred to as "Stupid". However, I really don't care what he calls me; I'm willing to risk it all just to have him back in my life. I know that sounds kind of desperate, but I really do miss talking to him. I really do miss joking with him. I miss his smile, and the way the sight of his picture would bring a huge smile to my face. I miss those days when hearing his voice or just smelling him or something that reminded me of him would make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I miss going to school knowing that I was there for one reason and one reason only. To impress G (Besides get an education). It's funny how we can go our whole lives, or in this case one year, with somebody and never notice how important they are to you until everything goes wrong. That is so funny. You don't notice that you're going to need them until they've moved on or until they forget about you. And that's not by choice. It's human nature. We usually want the prettier person, the person with the good hair or pretty eyes. We don't ever think that these people who are so "Pretty" are really ugly on the inside. We want the prefect person and we fail to realize that there is no such thing as the perfect person. We fail to realize that we may never find the perfect person or that we may never find the person who is even close to what we wanted. The person you usually end up falling in love with is the most unexpected person. You both could be two worlds apart, but still you will always connect. That's how I feel about G. We are completely different. Yes, we are both crazy, and yes, we both can be weird at times, but at the same time we are two totally different people. G's the unintelligent one, or I should say he acts unintelligent. I'm the smarter one, the one who uses her common sense. G's the one who gets a long with people; If he doesn't like someone he doesn't say it. He doesn't have to point out the flaws of everyone. I am the one who likes to blunt to everyone, or, "Tell it like it is." I am the one who doesn't get a long with a lot of people. I am the one who doesn't have a lot of friends. G is the one with the good childhood. I am the one with the fucked up mind. We're two totally different people but still we were able to connect with each other. And a wise person once told me, "Don't ever regret meeting somebody because at the time you thought it was a good idea." And that confuses me. When G and I first started talking a lot, we got a long so good. But after a couple of bumpy roads it was like we couldn't handle it. And I tried to make it work, he just would never cooperate. I miss him, Lord knows I do, and I want to be able to get over this little, er, big road bump that we've hit. My friend, N is what we'll refer to her as, has agreed to message him on myspace and start a conversation with him. She's going to start off with, "Hey it was cool seeing you the other day!" Then when he responds she's going to say, "Yeah, I saw you giving "L" (me) bad looks. What's up with that? I thought you guys were like "Friendly." And then when he responds she's going to say, "Oh, well she really wanted to talk to you but she was too scared to talk to you because she didn't know how you were going to respond." He gets to know exactly how I feel without me talking directly to him and sounding desperate. That makes me feel so much better that one of my friends has decided to intervene at such an important time. I HAVE to see him before he leaves, and if this plan goes through good he should message me and if not then I will message him. If that goes good then step three would be that I would finally see him again. I'll be able to see his smile, smell his scent, see his pretty eyes, and maybe, just maybe I''ll be able to kiss him again. And if we don't get to talk the only thing I would ever want him to know is that everything he's ever done for me, everything he's ever said to me has changed my life like crazy. I would want him to know that even though we don't get along, I still think about him everyday. I still pray for him before I go to bed and before I start my day. I still cherish every moment I ever spent with him even if it was a few times. And even though his best friend doesn't like me, and she keeps making sure that he don't reconcile with me, or I don't reconcile with him, I believe that we could still make it work. Like that Monica song goes, "I will cross the ocean for you, I will go and bring you the moon, I will be your hero, your strength, everything you need."