Gotta Accept What You Got...

I can honestly say that I am so sick of being depressed. I am so sick of being stuck on someone who doesn't like me back. I am so sick of constantly turning to you guys and complaining ABOUT my life. I'm sick of things not going back to the way it was. I'm sick of everything going bad. I'm sick of everything not going my way. I'm sick of people not DOING things MY way. This blog may sound angry, and that's exactly what I am. ANGRY. Angry for what you ask? Because it seems like as soon as I started to enjoy my life, actually like myself, and start being content with who I was, that was when shit turned inside out. I knew that I was turning 16 this year; I knew that there was going to be a lot of new things--better things-- that I could do this year, and with them came a lot of responsibility. What I didn't expect was the pain and the depression that came with it. Mama always said be careful who you fall for. I should have listened to her because she was right. This year, I feel that I've changed a lot. I've matured in one way or another, and in some ways I'm still that same immature Latina that I've been for the past 16 years. And I can't help that. EVERYONE has a little ignorance in them. Now, I tried changing so that people would like me, but it didn't work. I changed. Believe me, I did. But people kept looking at the past. Things I USED to do. Things I HAVEN'T done. Things I USED to SAY. No one ever started looking at what I BECAME. What I do NOW. What I do to HELP OTHERS. No, no one wants to look at the good this Latina's done. Only the BAD. And I'm sorry to say that I'm done changing for the world. I'm done trying to please everyone to become liked. If they don't like me oh well, I probably won't see none of them after high school anyways. Why have them slowing me down now? No, this Latina will no longer be hindered by the drama, and the stress of her peers. She will stand up through the pain; she will make it through the rain. And if I have to do it alone, then so be it. I will have to go on. Because one thing I've learned these last couple of months is that don't no one in this cold, cruel world give a damn about you. Sometimes not even your own mama. That's why you have to stand on your own two feet. Mama can no longer hold you on her hip. You know that old saying, "You must crawl before you walk?" Well, I'm done crawling. This latina is ready to let go of the table and walk. She can't do this anymore. If I have to deal with the fact that I might be single for the rest of my life, then so be it. If I have to deal with the fact that I'm losing a good friend because she's too blind to see that I have her back not stabbing her in the back, then, so be it. If I have to give up my dream of being on the dance team because one of the choreographers doesn't like me then, so be it. If I have to put my pride on the back burner and walk down the halls of school knowing no one likes me then, so be it. Like MY favorite saying goes, "Life GOES ON!" You can't change the past, hell you can't even change the present. But I can change the future. I can either be the depressed person I am now by holding on to the past and making myself bitter, or, better yet, I can change for the BETTER and be a happy person once again. I'll be able to let others in, and maybe one day, I might fall in love. But until them, I ask the Lord to help me to accept the things I can't change, change the things that need to be changed, and live for the glory of him.